hotel heart.

when you come for a visit
it's always a lovely evening
even if you're just a stranger
why you're here, i'll never know...

but you never stay too long,
you come and go as you please.
you leave your many dues unpaid
and disappear without a trace.

can't you see my heart's not a hotel
that you can't simply check in and out?

sifting through the rubble.

while sifting through the remnants
of rubble that was us,
i found one shining piece of gold
that i'll keep forever, nonetheless

you & i were holding hands,
laughing in shimmering light
as we both fell to the ground,
our love it did ignite.

three months later.

there you are across the room.
you're nobody
just a stranger
staring blankly ahead.

it's easy to forget that you were once someone,
that we were once something
cause too often, something just fades into nothing.

but what we had wasn't nothing
we can't pretend we never happened
i promise i won't forget
you & and the lessons that you taught me

don't ever be afraid to love
cause it's not something to be ashamed of
don't open your heart to strangers
if your heart's already occupied
& don't you dare live one minute with someone
who doesn't make you happy

cause even though i'm so alone
i'm better all off on my own.

behind the words.

i am an abuser of words

i manipulate them

& twist them for others. 

i am a coward

i hide behind my words

i never say what i feel in my soul 

some trivial dialogue will always ensue

but even more tragically,

i do not have the strength to speak the truth

nor will i ever be able to admit that you are the only one i could ever want

behind these words, i am dying. 

rearview mirror.

life keeps speeding down a narrow highway

& I keep glancing in the rearview mirror thinking:

did i make the right decisions?

the dream.

i dreamed that my fist made solid contact with your eye socket

the blow was strong and self-assured, unlike my hesitant & cautious soul

you stumbled backward, your mottled purple eye questioning, hurt...

i never imagined it would feel so damn good.

the same old blood rush.

my heart isn't lonely anymore

i've found someone else, who can teach me how to love again

but when i talk to you, it's the same old blood rush

that makes my heart flip with unbridled joy

it makes me wonder:

will the imprint you've left on my heart ever fade?

pitch dark.

hey there
where are you?
ya left me in the pitch dark
and i'm waiting for you to turn on the lights

right now i'm fumbling
reaching out, hoping to grasp onto someone
and if it isn't you, i'll be more than okay with that...

cause i don't the lights on to see that you aren't right for me.

feeding the flames.

we've caught on fire
and i keep on feeding the flames.
i'm addicted to the warmth
but i should know better
'cause fires can burn.

but the flames are too large to extinguish
and you haven't scorched me yet

so throw me into the inferno, babe
and let the sparks fly. <3

miss independent.

so i've got feelings for you
so you hold my heart in the palm of your hand
so you've won the conquest if that's what you wanted
so why should i give a damn?

enough with faking happiness
and pretending i live in a sunlit valley
time to come back to reality, honey
and time to forget what never was and what never will be

yeah, so reality stings
and yeah, it's so cold without you with me
but i'm fed up with playing games
i put too much in when i'm sure to get nothing back

time to put on another facade
i'm miss independent now
i'll guard my heart again
and live in icy sadness.

oh yeah, that's right,
i never liked you in the first place...

imperfections.

you're far from perfection baby

you never remember
you're rough around the edges
you leave me hanging
and you've got a bad crowd

but i see your heart
every once awhile
it's in a good place
and it's beating in time with mine

your soul, babe,
it shines brighter than sunshine
it moves me in ways
i thought could never move.

but those imperfections i can always see past
will break my heart one day.

impossibilites define my love.

little fish in a complicated pond.

without you
i'm a fish that's been landlocked
gasping for water
and dying in air.

you throw me back into cool waters
only to let me choke again

no questions asked babe, you've got me hooked <3

time to say goodbye.

i was looking for answers
and i found you.
i looked past everything:
your weaknesses
your faults
your reputation
and saw you as i wanted you to be.
we shared everything:
our loves
our fears
our lives
i felt myself myself falling
but i didn't catch myself
and now i'm here
wondering where we are
and how we got here.

i spilled my heart out to you
but i don't know if you ever bothered to watch it splatter on the ground.
i'm a glittering particle of light in your world
but to me, you are the source of sunshine in my life.

we live in seperate universes suspended in time
that never were supposed to meet.
the hourglass is void of sand
and i love you enough to say

it's time to say goodbye.

he loves me, he loves me not.

golden sunflowers.

i lie in the sunbathed meadow.

he loves me, he loves me not.

dew like diamonds sparkle on soft petals.

i pluck them slowly.

he loves me, he loves me not.

i smell the earth and the sweet perfume of life in bloom

i close my eyes

and for a minute, he's here.

he loves me, he loves me not...

shining armour.

i am the princess
who locked myself in my cold stone castle.
afraid to love, afraid to lose.
but then you came
and suddenly, the foundation cracked because of your humor
the walls shook because of your laugh
and the ceilings sagged under the weight of your kindness.
you gently took away each stone from my ivory tower
and taught me how to love again.
the fortifications that surrounded my heart lie in shambles
and you in your shining armour
have swept me away.

bottled love.

i followed the cobblestone path to the docks
the ocean pounding beneath me, its salty mist stings my forlorn eyes
and the breeze carries my tired soul.
it knows the beating of my heart.
i close my eyes
and whisper of my love
into the neck of a bottle
and send my love out into the open sea.

but the next week, it floated back to me.

frosted glass.

today, i drove in a car with frosted glass.
i couldn't see through the windows.
so i drew a heart
and i thought of you.
i saw the landscape pass me by through that heart.
speeding by much too fast.
i didn't realize how far we'd gone
and i thought of what I wanted all along.
so i let my glove smear the heart
and i cleared the glass.

i could finally see.

good morning. <3

hey, i'm alyssa, that one girl. you know, that one who's name is on the tip of your tongue, yet you just can't remember. she's that one whose just a little bit off, she's dreamy and she's far away. she's genuinely interested in you, but it doesn't come off that way, you probably thought she was a snob when you first met her. well, it turns out that underneath that gold blonde hair is an imagination begging to be used, a burning desire for understanding, and dreams so big that this blog is necessary to contain them all. it's where i can wander in a sun-drenched meadow with no aim, with warm breezes ruffling my dress. it's where the eternal waves of the ocean meet the sandy shores of forever, and wash away my doubts and insecurites as the tide rolls in. it's where i can watch the sunrise unfold and begin a new day, bursting with life and promise of fresh start.

oh, what a pleasant sunrise it's been. :)

(reps to my friend d. denger for the photo)